Anyone who knows me knows that 6 months ago I cringed at the thought of student teaching. That at 2 months ago I cried every morning when I woke up to go. That at 3 weeks ago I'd never felt more overwhelmed and lost in my life. Why? I mean, I'd been at NC State for 3 and a half years preparing for this semester...so why was I having such an emotional break down? Well, the short and sweet answer is that I just thought I simply could not do it. "No way I can stand in front of a class of people and teach them how to speak Spanish! I barely want to speak in my own classes to answer a question!" I thought to myself. Inadequate is the word that constantly came to my mind, "You can't do this."
But it hit me this week, during my 3rd week of full time teaching, that I am actually doing it. I mean I am actually teaching 3 different levels of Spanish (6 classes total) all by myself. And I am not completely failing at it!! I mean the first week and a half was really difficult and I leaned on my teacher a lot for support when I was not sure about an answer, but I am really being a teacher now. i know I keep saying it, but its just so crazy! I am teaching students how to speak Spanish! Me! Amber Winterton who reserved the right to only respond with "Si" or "No" in my high school classes, is teaching kids how to talk about the past in sentences! Gosh, it is absolutely crazy.
Now, in no way shape or form would I say I am a wonderful and perfect teacher, but I feel like I am coming to understand that, just like my students and just like learning a language, you are really never done learning. My cooperating teacher has been teaching for over 25 years and has studied abroad and is really a phenomenal teacher, but even she continues to learn. So I have confidence in myself now that if I were to go in to teaching, I could do it successfully. Stumbling sometimes, but overall giving a new language to students who are eager to learn. Who would've thought?
I just wish I could have told my old self that it was all going to work out alright.
Amber!!
ReplyDeleteI'm crying of happiness for you!:) I know how hard is to be in front of a class and teach a language that is your native one. Being a native in Spanish has helping me to meet my own goals in teaching, however; I still have to go back and study things that I don't know and sometimes get nervous of not knowing the right answer too.
I wish you the best your this experience and I just want to see you: Tu puedes!
Nos vemos
Vane
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ReplyDeleteAmber, I am so glad to see you come to this on your own. I know you still struggle with what to do after you graduate, but honestly, finishing this successfully is going to mean so much to you. You now know you are stronger than you thought and that when faced with obstacles in your future, you can handle them.
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