The honeymoon is ending...

Hey ya'll,

Well I haven't written in quite awhile and there's so much to say about whats been going on, but honestly I just need this space right now to vent and be honest.  I feel like I am really starting to crash and I feel like giving up all over again.  The beginning of the semester was extremely hard for me, but when I started taking up classes it started to become a lot easier and (dare I say it?) fun.  For the past month I've been adding a class every week and I am up to teaching 5 out of the 6 classes.  5 seems to be the death of me.  Teaching 4 classes was strenuous and took a lot of effort, but I was doing it fairly easy (in huge part to the fact that my teacher was planning for 2 of the 3 preps).  But this morning, I just had a melt down.  I had a really, really long weekend full of work and my basement (aka my room) flooding and I didn't get a chance to really plan anything.  Luckily my teacher and I did a lot of the planning last week, but still, I personally need to look over a lot of the material before I teach it.

You see, my biggest reservation in teaching was being incompetent.  I hate those teachers, the ones who act like they know what their talking about but as soon as you ask them a question they go blank...and that's how I am starting to feel.  Especially taking over the Spanish 3's, I just continuously second guess myself and make myself nervous.  I'm just exhausted by the end of the day because 1 I'm working and 2 I'm making myself so stressed out.  And I'm just tired.  I was supposed to take over all of the Spanish 2 classes today (3 classes) but I asked my teacher if she would take them until their test this Wednesday, and when that happens I am supposed to take over the planning.  Its been hard enough planning for her Spanish Avanzada class (a completely new class this year that is a class for those who didn't want to take Spanish 2 again but would have failed Spanish 3).  I can't imagine planning all 3!  And on top of that, anything cultural I feel completely inadequate.

It's just so hard, I wish I knew this was what I wanted to do but I don't and I think that makes it even harder. It's been awhile since I've wondered if this was even worth it, but today I'm catching myself wondering if I can even do this at all.  6 classes? 3 classes to plan? for 5 weeks?  It just all seems like too much.